For what reason do we hold grudges or resentment when they are very difficult to keep up, and usually appear to neutralize what we truly need? Why do we keep wounds open and active, living in the past stops you from having new experiences? What stop us when we want to move on and let go? Most importantly, how can we let go?
Basically, grudges come with an identity, a person who was “hurt” or “exploited”. While holding a grudge we define — our anger and victimhood — which gives us a sense of solidity and purpose. Who hasn’t been constantly criticized by their parents when they are growing up, sabotaged by their colleagues, betrayal by your partner, or you may have any traumatic experience, like being physically or mentally abused by someone you love or close to?
We have to let go of our grudges, if not then these wounds can leave a long-lasting feeling of anger and hate or even vengeance.
To let go of our grudge, we have to be willing to let go of our identity as a “victim”, and whatever strength, solidity, or possible sympathy and understanding we receive through that identity. We have to be willing to drop the “I” who was mistreated and step into a new version of ourselves.
If we can let our grudge go. Then, we can heal. Our heart becomes open again to others, we will stop seeing ourselves as victims but rather victors.
They might hurt us, but they don’t have to have power over us.
To let our grudges go, we have to learn the art of forgiveness. Because if we don’t forgive ourselves and others then we might be the one who pays the most.
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness means different things to different people. Generally, to let go of grudges or resentment and thoughts of revenge from inside.
The action that hurt or offended you may consistently be with you, but forgiveness can reduce its hold on you and help free you from the control of the person who harmed you.
By practicing forgiveness, you can embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Forgiveness can guide you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Letting go of grudges and hate can improve your health and peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to:
· More robust relationships
· Improved mental health
· Less anxiety, stress and hatred
· Lower blood pressure
· Helps you fight depression
· Boost your immune system
· Improved self-esteem
What are the consequences of holding a Grudge?
In case you’re unforgiving, you may:
· Bring outrage and anger into each relationship and new experience.
· Become so covered with past wrong deeds that you can’t appreciate the present.
· Feeling Depressed and anxious.
· You will feel like there is no meaning or purpose of life, and let the negative energy flow inside you.
· You will lose other valuable things in your life and end up with nothing.
How To Stop Holding A Grudge?
It’s not easy to let go of our grudges, but when you let go it’ll ultimately be the worth. Try some following techniques to move your past grudge into forgiveness.
1. Don’t play the victim role:
Instead of playing the role of victim, start seeing yourself as a hero of your own story. Leaving the victim mentality behind will allow you to feel the pain, and let you know that holding the grudge stops the healing process. When you willingly let go the grudge you create the best possible life for yourself.
2. Don’t Defame the Other Person:
Focus less on defaming the person and more on their intention. Life is not always sunshine & butterflies. Your feelings were ignored and hurt, maybe that’s not the person’s intention and if it was, then remove them. If miscommunication was removed from the world, we might have less broken hearts and hurt feelings.
3. If It’s time, Let the Person or Relationship Go:
It’s not about whether you believe a person can change or not. Allowing them the opportunity to make up for what they did is even if they were at fault, it doesn’t mean you need to only see them for their worst moments. Showing such humanity is both healing and humbling. If someone intentionally hurt you, then it’s okay to let them go. If someone is no longer giving you a positive source of energy, feel free to leave the toxic relationship and move on finding better relationships. Once you overcome the grudge you had with the other, you’ll find more energy to devote to new relationships.
4. Forgiveness is the only key:
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are weak, it means kindness & humanity wins over hatred and negative energy. Kindness is the greatest attribute anyone can have. It takes strength to put your ego aside to understand what’s their story and what they are going through. All we can do is forgive them and walk aside from their life.
Final Thoughts
If you can’t do anything, just be kind without any expectations from others. Even it means saying goodbye, let the grudge flee with kindness. Once you can forgive and let go of the grudge, you can start to live a better life. You’ll feel less angry, suffer less and feel more empowered as the hero of your story.
